Drained

We all have a breaking point were life seems hopeless and the easiest thing to do is to give up. At that moment the world is saying, "Don't try, it's not worth it." And there is agreement with that. We all go through times where we have exhausted our inner resources, and it's time to rest.

There's nothing wrong with taking a breather, getting some fresh air and/or a new perspective. We all need to gather ourselves to persevere. As long as we do persevere and aim to accomplish what we are capable of.

We are capable of pushing ourselves to the limit.

And going beyond that each time we are pushed.

worth fighting for

There are times when you're willing, even desiring, to get bruised and bloodied. The thought of losing something that you care about, something that you love, will drive you to do crazy things; like engaging in something we know will hurt us. We've all been there, we'll all be there.

It's not guaranteed that we'll win. We might fight and lose and get the snot, to term it politely, kicked off us in the process.

Why do we do it? The easy answer is because we know that if we don't the fight, what we give up will be worse than any pain we'll endure in the scuffle.

I know that if I don't fight for what I desire it's certain that I'll fail. If I do struggle, and believe me it'll definitely be a struggle, then I'll know that I tried. All I can do is try.

(In my cockiness, I feel like if I try I will succeed.)

Disappointment

Very few people in the world can be described as happy-go-lucky. Life is not happy-go-lucky, at least that's true 80% of the time. You might call bs on that arbitrary figure, maybe rightfully so. But i just don't sometimes it's hard to see the beauty in life.

It's there, I believe that no matter what life throws at you, whether it is being fired from a job that you were beginning to love, you realize faults in your life where you don't meet the expectations of a loved one, or simply the day just didn't go your way, that it is beautiful and worth investing your whole self into.

Lately I've seen that personal success is not how you measure up to the world, it's how you measure up to your own abilities. I will never be disappointed in myself if I know that I am giving life everything that I can.

Opportunities to be successful that are given to us by other people, are not true invitations to be successful. I don't have anything to prove to the world but I have a mountain of expectations to live up to in myself. If I am trying to please other people I will be disappointed, but if I live up to my own expectations I'll far exceed any that people have for me.

Dichotomy

It seems to me that there are an abundance of inconsistencies in everything. I, myself, never just have one thought on a subject, and sometimes my thoughts contradict themselves. I can have one thought one second and be set on that and then I'll think about another viewpoint and my concrete idea turns to quicksand.

It's not that I don't have a basis for what I believe it's that I see many sides to one issue. You can look at a picture and use a thousand words to describe it. You can take one concept and find six billion, plus, people who will have their own differing opinions on the subject.

This makes life complex, to say the least.

But it also makes it beautiful.

We may never know, outside of agreed upon measurements, what is true. We only know what we believe, and we all differ in our beliefs. No one sees the picture exactly the same way.

There is one thing that I believe is universal and that is that we need each other, we need relationships. We can work out our differences but we need those dichotomous views to thrive.

Confessions

Honestly, I just feel like spilling my guts today. There's a lot that nobody knows about me; there's a lot that I don't know about myself.

I could start with the facts.

I am the luckiest man in the world because I have an amazing girlfriend, who I don't deserve but she likes me nonetheless. I don't deserve a lot of things, grace, my family's love, to be born to a middle class family and never having to experience true hardships, an amazing grandmother who I love and appreciate.

I am a seminary student. I'm in the Army.

I am an idealist, also a realist (how ever that works out I don't know.)

I don't like to think of myself as being a Christian as something that I am, but rather as who I am.

There are a lot of things that I am not.
Confident, smart, outgoing, fond of close minded people, purposeless, satisfied, there are more but I'm not able to realize them (or come up with them) now.

I know these things about myself and I'm happy with them, would I like to change in some areas to improve, without a doubt. I also don't want these to define me. I want to be me and know that I am loved because of that.

Potential

When you think about the great people in the world, the ones who have inspired millions to do great acts of selfless love, who do you think of? Ghandi, Mother Teresa, etc...

Would you ever include yourself in that group? I am. Not because I'm cocky and full of myself, but because I truly believe that I can leave an impact on this world. It may not be as large as these icons but I will do a lot of good.

Behind every great action there is a person with an ideal, a philosophy that drives one's actions and manifests what they desire to see in the world and other people.

My ideal is love, it's the stimulus that launches the avalanche of change. There is nothing as powerful as love, whether it is for family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend. If love is present in the world and people act on that, then the world will change because it is the most powerful force in the world.

Definitions

ENFJ

That's what I am, an extroverted (albeit a quiet one), intuitive, feeling, judge. There's nothing more and nothing less. That describes me to a T. Everything about me is represented by those four letters.

I'm being facetious. I'm much more than representative letters. Besides the titles that I bear, student and 2nd Lieutenant, and the ones that I used to, pastor and teacher, there is more to me than can be defined. They are some markings which help compose the sketch of me.

I don't believe that anyone can be defined by titles or characteristics, it's comes forth from the inner being and heart of a person that reveals who they are. It is characterized in actions and relationships.

Who/what defines you?